First OB visit

Today I went for my first OB visit though I have been to the OB clinic quite a few times already because of my diabetes. We also went to the hospital which is just opposite the clinic yesterday for genetic counseling. I am scheduled for my nuclear transparency test on Dec 4th and they will also do some blood tests that day that will give an estimate of chromosomal abnormalities. They gave us a sheet which has the estimated risk for every age and the risk increases so much year by year. Also, I am not being able to control my blood sugar levels with diet and exercise alone; so I have to start on insulin. That means pricking myself six times a day but we IVF people are used to needles :). One of the bad things of going to Stanford is that though it is only approx. 14 miles from my house, the route is through very congested inside roads and it takes 30-45 minutes drive.

My OB seems nice... she was referred by a colleague of my husband's and she is a faculty in Stanford. However she said she believes I was diabetic before pregnancy and as I have having identical twins, they will monitor me very closely. So I need to do a number of tests. To start with, I need to collect my urine for 24 hours and take it back to the clinic for my next appt. Then I need to do a number of blood tests. After some weeks, they will do a fetal echo to make sure the babies' hearts are okay and so on. Also, because of my diabetes, I have to eat sometimes every 2-3 hrs, walk for 20 mins and then do a blood sugar test. This is not leaving me much time to do anything else. I cannot simply go out anywhere. I have to think how much time it is going to take and pack a snack accordingly and also carry my glucose monitoring kit. Anyways, everything is okay as long as the babies are fine and they seemed to be fine today....

The rollercoaster continues

I have not blogged for quite some time. My excuses are 1) I have been busy at work 2) I am feeling nauseated and hence have not been feeling like blogging. Anyways, last week I went for my 8th week ultrasound and saw the identical twins in the ultrasound. They are in one placenta but they have two separate amniotic sacs. Then we had a big surprise - there was another placenta but my RE did not see any heartbeat in the second placenta. So we are still having identical twins but the second placenta might create some problems with some of the diagnostic tests.

So this Wednesday I went for a pregnancy class at Stanford OB clinic. I have an appointment with the OB there on 26th. The nurse took my family history and as my father has diabetes, made me go for a blood sugar test. And guess what? My blood sugar is very high - in fact, they are suspecting I might had diabetes before pregnancy. I go for another test next Thursday that will find my blood sugar level for the last 3-4 months to see whether I had diabetes before my pregnancy. I also have to go for a diabetes management class that day. This is bad news. The baby's organs develop in the early weeks of pregnancy and having uncontrolled diabetes at that time might lead to birth defects. It is very likely that I had diabetes before considering my high blood sugar level. I wish I had checked my blood sugar level before the IVF so that I could not managed it but there is no point beating myself up over what could have been done. I did check my blood sugar before I started trying which was 2 years back. So even though my IVF worked, I am still worried because I do not just want to be pregnant, I want healthy babies. And thinking whether they are okay, is making me terrified.

Mixed Emotions

Today I went for my 6 week ultrasound and we found we are having identical twins. We were very happy to see the two heartbeats but as our RE said identical twins tend to have much more complications than fraternal twins. I have another ultrasound scheduled after two weeks and then we will be able to figure out whether there is structural abnormalities and whether they have the same amniotic sac or different amniotic sacs. There is another potential problem called Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome where one twin can receive much more blood than the other which is bad for both of them. The good news is my babies seem to be quite far from each other. This also means we have to choose a pretty good hospital that has a good neonatal unit. Our RE said that the hospital closest to our house will be able to handle single or fraternal twins but maybe they are not well equipped enough to handle identical twins. So we have to choose another hospital which is 14 miles away. Fortunately, that is not very far off and that is an excellent hospital. So we are happy and apprehensive at the same time - happy that we saw two heartbeats and apprehensive about what the future holds for us.

5 weeks

Today I am 5 weeks pregnant. My second HCG (which was last Friday) was 541 and my RE said that the progesterone and estrogen levels were perfect. However, I have read so many horror stories on so many blogs that I am still scared. I have no pregnancy symptoms other than sore boobs which is due to the progesterone I am taking. It still does not feel real. I think I will believe I am pregnant once I see the ultrasound next week. In the meantime I was busy working as I had tons of work piled up. I did not do much before the beta... so I was making up for that. I also started reading some pregnancy books.

Today is also the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. I am praying for all of you who have lost a child.

After two years.....

finally I am pregnant. My RE called me up just now and said I have HCG of 294. She said it is pretty good and I have to go for another blood test on Friday.
I cannot believe it yet. I remember it was in October 2006 I went for a prenatal consult with a doctor and started taking prenatal vitamins. My DH and I were both working from home today and so he was there when the phone call came. We are both very, very happy but I think it will take some time before the whole thing finally sinks in. And I want to thank all of you for your prayers and support. You all are wonderful.

Countdown begins

It's 24 more hours to my blood test. I decided not to POAS... I will be waiting for the phone call to know the result. Surprisingly I am feeling pretty calm compared how I felt during my IUIs. So tomorrow will be either a very happy day or very sad day for us. Whatever happens, I will let you folks know. But please, please pray for me.

Cautiously Optimistic

I have been having mild AF-like cramping for the last couple of days. I am hoping that this is a sign of the embryos implanting and making themselves comfy in the uterus. I also went for my acupuncture today and my acupuncturist said that my pulse looked good and he asked me to make appointments for next Monday and Thursday (my blood test is on Wednesday). Maybe I am reading a little too much but this makes me feel a little better. The final reason for feeling optimistic is I came across someone's blog today who did not have any embryos for freezing but in spite of that she is pregnant. That gives me hope and I am trying to be more positive.

Speaking of blogs, I am addicted to IF blogs now. I am checking for updates all the time and not getting much work done. I am planning to keep myself busy this weekend so that I do not keep thinking of the outcome of this IVF.

2 Blastocysts transferred

Yesterday we went to our clinic for my 5 day blastocyst transfer. My RE came with a photo of 3 embryos that made it to blastocyst stage. They transferred the better-looking 2 blasts. We had lunch and then I went straight for acupuncture. Then we came back home and I took rest for the remainder of the day.

My RE called me up just now and said that the remaining blastocyst was still growing but it was not of a good quality and so they are not freezing it. Honestly, I am disappointed. I am now concerned about the quality of the embryos that were transferred. Looks like I have low quantity as well as quality. I am feeling very hopeful the day I learnt all the eggs fertilized. Now I am skeptical about the outcome of this IVF. DH and I had discussed we will probably go for 2 or max 3 IVFs and then move on. So this is the beginning of the end of our journey. I am scared about what the future will hold for us.

Grow, Embies, grow

Today was supposed to be day 3 transfer and my nurse had told me that if my clinic decides that they will do a Day 5 transfer, they will call me up between 8 to 8:30am. My ET was scheduled for 10:30am. I was hoping for a day 5 blastocyst transfer. I think I woke up around 5:30 am today, excited and a little nervous. I kept on looking at the clock every minute from 7:55am. Fortunately, I did not have to wait that long. My RE called me up around 8:03am and said 7 of the 8 embryos are looking good. 1 little guy did not divide. So they are going to do a 5 day transfer. She said around 50% make it to day 5. So I am telling my embies to grow and make it to day 5.

On another note, yesterday the friends who are expecting their second child called us up saying that they wanted to meet for dinner if we were free. One of our other friends also came for dinner. All of them were asking us when we are planning to have a baby. We have not told them we are having problems. Strangely enough, I did not feel so bad when I met them.

Good news

My doctor called me just now. All 8 eggs fertilized. I am very happy. Hopefully, some of them are good quality. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Egg Retrieval Day

I had my egg retrieval today at 10:45am. I had to trigger with Ovidrel Monday at 10:45pm and my DH had to take Levaquin Monday and yesterday. I also took an antibiotic called Doxycycline yesterday and I have to continue taking that till it gets over. I went to the clinic around 10 am and had to change into a gown. Then the nurse took my temperature and blood pressure and put the IV. She put something first which stuck like a bee and then she put the IV in. The anesthesiologist came and asked me some questions and then I said bye to my DH and walked to the OR. I just remember lying down and having an oxygen mask put in.

Anyways, the doctor came and told that they retrieved 8 eggs. She told they figured out why my right ovary is not making many eggs. It is very close to the uterus and there might be some scarring in the right ovary. She said it looks hopeful. I know 8 eggs is not a good number but I am hoping the eggs are of good quality and some fertilize.
We will know more tomorrow.

On another note, I wanted to thank my sweet friend Nity for tagging me. Here are the rules:

Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Write 7 random things about yourself
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and link to them
4. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog

I am done with Rule #1. So here goes Rule #2:

1) I do not like waking up with the alarm clock and I am not a morning person. If I set the alarm to get up early someday, I get up several times in the night to check the time.

2) I love chocolates. I do not know what I will do if I have to give up chocolates.

3) My DH looks very young. Though he is 32, he looks like 21/22. In fact, he regularly gets asked by bartenders to show his ID.

4) I love drinking water. I was asked not to drink anything from midnight yesterday because of the egg retrieval and I was very worried. But yesterday I drank gallons of water till midnight and I was fine.

5) My DH and I weigh the same (138 lbs) though he is 6 inches taller than me :(.

6) I am an only child. This is compensated by my DH's large family (5 siblings) :).

7) I have lots of wavy hair which lot of people like. However, I find it very difficult to manage and I wish I had straight manageable hair.

Okay, now to rule #3. Here it goes: Sarah, Leigh,Cathleen, Hannah, Melanie,Evergreen baby

I leave it up to you whether you want to play or not.

Green Signal for Ganirelix

Yesterday I went for my second ultrasound. They saw 8 follicles measuring between 9 and 11 and the lining was 7. The nurse called me up and asked me to stay on the same medication dosage and start Ganirelix from today. Tomorrow I have to go for another ultrasound and bloodwork and monday I have to go for my pre-op. I will also have a consult with an RE at my clinic. My regular RE will not be there so this will be a different doctor. He did one of my IUIs though and he seems to be nice and friendly. He will tell me whether I stop Menopur and Gonal-F from Monday or Tuesday. I also had to get extra Gonal-F because I do not have enough for Monday.Fortunately, my insurance is covering IVF and the medications this time. But if it does not work, next time we have to pay out of our own pocket.

We are planning to go for the Monterey Jazz Festival tomorrow. We have to carry the medicines though and give the shots in the car. But we are looking forward to some great music tomorrow.

U/S #1

Today I went for my first ultrasound after I started stimming. There are 3 follicles in my right ovary and 2 in my left. Looks like I am not very good at egg production. Anyways, my nurse case manager called up just now and she said that I have to start taking 300 units of gonal-f in the morning as well. She is going to order some more medicine for me and I have to go again on Thursday to see how my follicles are doing.

Strangely enough, I am not feeling so sad today as I did when I went for the baseline ultrasound. From reading all the other blogs I have realized that even if I have a lot of eggs, I may not become pregnant and even if I get a BFP, things might not work out later. So I cannot keep on obsessing about IF and getting stressed about everything that happens in this IVF cycle. I am fortunate enough to have loving parents, excellent relatives and the greatest husband in the world. I will be grateful if I can become a mother but I am thankful for what I have right now. I do not know what I will say later in this journey but right now I am trying to appreciate what I have.

Started Stimming

I started taking 300 IU of Gonal-F and 75 IU of Menopur from yesterday. My DH is giving me the shots. Today was much better than yesterday. We discovered it is much better to get the needles in and out quickly. Also, you should wipe the area where you want to inject with alcohol and wait for it to dry off. Yesterday he did it slowly and there was one-two drops of blood. Today nothing. I am following an antagon protocol and so no Lupron for me. I will go for an ultrasound on tuesday to see how things are coming along.

Following an antagon protocol was a bit of bad news. It was supposed to be Lupron. But my FSH was a little high (9.5) this time and the doctor said she saw less eggs than normal for women my age(I am 32). Not good news. But hopefully I still have a few good eggs.

I am feeling apprehensive about this cycle. For my 3 IUIs I had mature 2-3 follicles, my hubby had excellent sperm. Nothing happened. So I am scared. What if this does not work?

Irony of Life

Today I got my medicines. I will take my last BCP on Sunday and go for baseline ultrasound on Monday. The doctor put me on an Antagon Protocol as she saw less eggs in my ovary for someone my edge. Also, my FSH was not too good this time 9.5. My FSH had been tested twice before and it was less than 5 both times. So maybe my ovaries are aging. I am hoping that at least one of my eggs is of good quality though.

We also learned today that one of our best friends is expecting their second baby. They do not know about our IF though. We called them up for something and they said they are 14 weeks. They found out about the pregnancy the last time we met them for a 10K walk and they had been only trying for 2 weeks before that. After I kept down the phone, I knew I am not ready to tell them about our IF or meet them for some time now. We have been trying for almost two years now and they have been for 2 weeks. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time at the irony of it all.